Mmmmmmmm…
Let me tell you somethin’.
This Rose Toy is real!
It’s been called the “Soul Snatcher”. It’s blowing up TikTok. YouTube Reviewers are saying “Oh Gurl, You need to experience Rosequan for yourself.”
In case you’re an impatient one, here’s the link to the best Rose Toy:
(Full Disclosure: The link is an Amazon affiliate link. Secret Bouquet™ is a SmashGoods™ Brand)
In the past, sex toys have typically been either:
A) Boring
B) Scary
The boring ones just don’t get the job done.
I’m looking at you AAA-Battery powered vibrating lipstick. You suck.
And the scary ones are just silly. Seriously, a black dildo the size of a small car? Who uses that?
The Sex Museum in Amsterdam even has a bicycle with a moveable dildo that comes up through the seat as you pedal.
Sure, the happy, “sound of music” dressed dutch mannequin woman riding the bike had a wide smile. But how many people really want a bicycle that literally fucks up your day.
The Rose Toy is entirely different.
First, it’s beautiful.
It looks like a Rose. Leave it on your nightstand and friends will mistake it for an essential oil diffuser.
Unless they’re those cool friends who know of Rosequan’s legendary powers. Then they’ll just high five you and go “Oh GUUURRRRRLLLLLLLLL, you know!”
You know indeed!
And apparently so does everyone who uses the Rose Toy.
Just reading reviews of the rose toy is hotter than a romance novel on a plush comforter in front of a crackling log fireplace.
The first 5-minutes I thought “these reviews are fake”.
No way can the Rose Toy deliver this much pleasure in this short of a time.
Then I kept reading, and reading, and reading.
Like a binge-worthy TV show, I just couldn’t stop. I went from Amazon to Groupon to AliExpress reading reviews. Then YouTube and TikTok.
Everyone loved the rose toy.
Well, loved isn’t even the right word.
More like “WTF is this alien technology that’s got me considering replacing all men in my life with fast-charging USB outlets.”
Don’t worry ladies. Men like it too. One reviewer said her husband reported “stronger pelvic floor contractions she’s ever had during sex”.
Another gave it 1-star.
“Me and my husband loved it for months. The other day it stopped working. I’m so angry right now.”
Who goes back to write a product review months after buying?
Someone who can’t live without it.
In fact, very few people disliked the sensation. I counted up one Amazon page and less than 4% of reviews complained about not liking it. Something like 10% of people got a broken product.
And then there were the remaining 86% of women.
These women, a high enough percentage to swing a presidential election 3 times over, said the rose toy is like riding a unicorn through the rings of Saturn.
In comparison, other sex toys are brown wilted lettuce.
Screw the war on drugs. Next year I fully expect the US Government to start putting Rose Toy importers in prison by the thousands.
Seriously, how can something that feels this good still be legal?
After reading enough reviews, we decided to do a review of our own.
That’s why we’re here. Because we found the best version of the Rose Toy available today. It’s an authentic model that’s available at Amazon with REALLY, REALLY, REALLY fast shipping!
Here’s the link to the best option: Secret Bouquet Rose Toy
(Full Disclosure: The link is an Amazon affiliate link. Secret Bouquet™ is a SmashGoods™ Brand)
Why Secret Bouquet?
We looked at a lot of rose sex toys.
Like, a lot!
Some were decent quality, but took 4-8 weeks to arrive. (I’m looking at you AliExpress. “Ships from China on the slow boat with no tracking” is a frustrating mess.)
Some arrived fast but were of questionable quality.
One company even had reviews saying they were running a scam. Instead of a rose toy you got a pair of earbud headphones.
None of them had a refund policy.
They were all “No Returns” and “If it sucks, deal with it because we already have your money!”
That’s why we launched the Secret Bouquet Rose Toy. (Secret Bouquet™ is a SmashGoods™ brand.)
We wanted 3 things:
- The Highest Quality Rose Toy
- Fast Shipping
- Free Returns (for Life)
“Returns” is a misnomer. Nobody returns sex toys. Once you use them they cannot be re-sold.
Seriously, eww. Who sells used sex toys? Nobody.
Our return policy is different. It’s called the “Best Orgasm Ever Guarantee”.
Of course we warranty the product for life. If it doesn’t work or breaks at any point, you get your money back.
~Begin Rant~
For some reason nobody else has this warranty. Why? Do their products really suck that bad? (Probably)
~End Rant~
But a lifetime warranty is so 1985.
We wanted more! More! More! Oh my god don’t stop More!
That’s why we have a “Best Orgasm Ever Guarantee”.
If you don’t have the best orgasm you’ve ever had in your life, just contact us and we’ll refund your money.
You don’t even need to return the Secret Bouquet Rose Toy. (Because seriously, nobody wants used sex toys.)
And to tell you we’re serious, we sell it on Amazon.
Amazon plays no games. They ship in 1-3 days and give out refunds like candy on Halloween. And they always side with the customer.
Why do this? None of the other companies are doing it?
Simple. We want to prove the Secret Bouquet Rose Toy is the best on the market.
And we guarantee that once you try Rosequan, you’ll be in love for life.
Is the rose toy hype real?
Find out for yourself….
(Full Disclosure: The link is an Amazon affiliate link. Secret Bouquet™ is a SmashGoods™ Brand)